Forget McDonald's and Exxon.  There's a new multinational taking over, and it's moved into your neighbourhood already.  

It's IKEA.  

Sure, they may hide behind the guise of selling chic, Swedish designed and affordable furniture.  But unlike other "conventional" multinationals, they seem to have a sense of humour.  They claim not to use child labour to make their products.  And honestly, it's not like the Swedes have been known for being imperialistic and aggressive.  For god's sakes, the president of Ikea has the same name as a guy I knew in high school who wore tapered jeans hiked up to his manboobs, and the vice president has the same name as the guy who wrote Hansel & Gretel.  But then again, if you ran into someone called William Gates the Third in the street in Seattle before he became the the leader of one of the most powerful companies in the world, would you suspect that he would be who he is today?  I sure wouldn't. 

Let's take a look at Ikea visibility.  Who hasn't heard of Ikea?  As a student, there's not one person I know that doesn't have a piece of Ikea furniture in their apartments or houses, whether it be a Billy bookcase, or a Kurs chest of drawers.  I mean, you can't go wrong with their furniture. It's not very expensive.  It's stylish.   And at this point, do you know anyone who hasn't memorized the Ikea catalogue from cover to cover in their efforts to furnish their abodes?  

Also, does anyone hate Ikea?  Even if they did, it's not like there's another alternative.  The act of going to Ikea is an experience in itself.  Such convenience!  Such fun!  Parking in the Family parking, going through the little maze of a building guided by all those arrows printed on the ground.  And those clever little shortcuts to the housewares section?  And those super chic yellow and blue plastic shoulder bags that you carry all your newly purchased mugs?  And that handy Self-Serve warehouse?   The kid's ball room?  Those delicious Swedish Meatballs and Cinnamon Buns? Those hilarious commercials with the lamp standing out in the rain?  Honestly, they've thought of absolutely everything.  And it's this everything that has made them so damn successful.   

What Ikea has, in fact, is a stranglehold over the furniture market.  In 2001 alone, they had a turnover of 11.3 billion Euros. Which is something like $12.5 billion US dollars.  That's A HELLUVA LOT of money.  In addition to that, there's something like 150 retail outlets around the world, operating in 22 countries.  That means my accountant cousin in Sydney probably has the same coffee table as the oil sheik in Jordan and the girl in my class from Shanghai.   

However, high quantity sold does not necessarily reflect high quality.   Keetologue details some of the most badly designed items below.  

Specimen #1 The Fakse rug by Anne Efverlund.  Number one, who in their right mind would be purchasing a shag rug, never mind a buffalo suede shag rug that looks like a paper maché project gone awry?  And to add insult to injury, for $145?  Number two, how in god's name do you clean this rug if you spill wine on it or have a pet daschund that doesn't like doing his thing outside?  Ew.
Specimen #2 On the outside, the Helmer drawer appears to be a super sharp looking metal drawer.  And sharp it is.  In fact, I cut open my finger with it.  Also, the drawers do not glide, they have to be yanked out with incredible might, therefore spraying your pencils and/or other items all over the room.  Not so pleasant.
Specimen #3. The Jules chair is the most uncomfortable chair in the history of uncomfortable chairs.  The back is in a bizarre shape that seems to offer no support (or rather too much support), and my butt was going numb from sitting on such a hard surface.  It was like grade one story time all over again.
Specimen #4. The Pastill room divider.  Honestly, can we get any more pointless than a room divider that you can see over, and has holes in it?  You might as well hang a sheet from a clothesline in the middle of the room.

Ok, ok, all right.  I'll stop with the furniture flaming.  There are SOME redeeming pieces, like the Billy bookcase and the Kurs cabinets mentioned earlier.  

However, let's move on to the material dissection.  First stop, particle board.  Ikea claims to be sooooo environmentally friendly with their particle board.  And sure, it is.  I mean, it's fantastic that they are using waste materials, i.e. wood chips, and recycling.  But what is conveniently left out of their recycling wood chips is that the wood chips in particle board are mixed with other chemicals and epoxy additives, which renders them unrecyclable.  And, since particle board is weaker than solid wood, this table definitely will not be passed on to your grandkids.  So in essence, we'll probably have a landfill of Ikea tables in Little Timmy's backyard.  All that, when you could have bought yourself a nice, tasteful oak table that would last a long time, and if no one wanted it anymore, could be made into an Ikea particle board table.  At least Little Timmy would approve.   

But I'll stop, before I'm pelted with lingonberries, Speaking of lingonberries, can't you get those at their food store?