How many pairs of long underwear do you own? If you have over two, how many red?
I own two pairs - both are white and quite unsightly.  Unfortunately, no red.

How come you don't talk to me anymore?
Would you like me to talk to you?

What is a fibre god?
He's that guy, who looks like a cross between Metamucil and 100% Bran, and keeps you regular. I've heard nothing but good things about him.  However, you got to be careful of his cousin, the runs.

Hi Kitty, I have recently moved to Montreal from Toronto and am still on a quest for the best sushi in town.  Seeing as that you acknowledge that Sushi On Bloor is the best in town and that you likely know Montreal very well, I thought it would be safe to ask you... what do you think is the Montreal equivalent to Toronto's Sushi on Bloor?  Best of luck with your next issue.
Thanks a lot, Ariel
I don't think there is an equivalent to Sushi On Bloor in Montreal.  However, my favourite restaurant is Mikado, which is on St. Denis, south of Ontario.  They have some really innovative rolls there, and I recommend that you order the Indochine, which is a roll with salmon, crab, tobiko, etc. but instead of wrapped in seaweed, it's wrapped in a rice paper roll.  SOOO good.

CHROMEO - she's in control
Turbo/Vice

Goddamn. This album is like that guy Lloyd Braun in Seinfeld, who was George Costanza's arch nemesis. He was the character that had no flaws, and George hated him because of that. Chromeo on the other hand, also has no flaws, but I enjoy this album. Untalented pseudo-musicians twiddling knobs on a vocoder and synths? No, Pee and Dave are both virtuosos at their instruments, play practically every instrument on the album, and are more than adept hip hop musicians. Technically, they do no wrong. Clueless irony? Definitely not. "We're being completely serious," they've been quoted to say in their interviews, and nods to artists in their music are not only well informed, but executed with perfection. This perfection is perhaps their flaw; the music is lacking its own distinctive style except in the "combining different styles to make it our own" sense. Regardless, there are a number of standout tracks on the album, especially Needy Girl (you have to love songs with skits in them) and the talkbox chorus on Rage!. This is quite possibly the most listening fun that you'll have in 2004.

Max Nasty, Private Dick - The Ebony Cycler EP
Shoulder Tap Records

First of all, what exactly is an Ebony Cycler?  Someone who rides a motorcycle?  Someone clad in all black who rides a motorcycle?  And who exactly is Max Nasty?  The band is comprised of Yazan Fahmawi, MC Paul Barman's guitarist, a guy named Martín, and Eli Batalion, one of the guys who wrote Job: A Hip Hop Saga.  We are not in the company of people with a lack of talent.  Fahmawi's voice drips with apathy, and although the EP is only 6 songs, they manage to cover all the elements of a rock album. The light, strummy ballad (To Happen...A Golden Guilt); the rocking-out song (Renegade); the jaunty pop song with sudden screaming and shouting (You & Me), and the fast-tempoed rock song (Cynicism Amplifier).  A great rock album.